yuiyamu | who am i?

this is something i often feel shy about sharing, but it's important to share, seeing as i'm a lot more apparent in sydney's life now.
if you know what DID is already, you can probaby get a general idea of who i am based off of that, but for those of you who aren't aware:

now, for me, this definition somewhat applies? but like any disorder, it gets messy and varies a lot from person to person.
so now, i'll explain in my own words~!

i started to feel different from sydney first around july 2024, but didn't think too much of it at the time. then, i really just considered it to be "how i felt" whenever i needed some distance from "my" main accounts. a few months after that, i started to notice that i couldn't quite remember what happened when i was on this other account, and vice versa. it's quite the strange sensation, as i'm sure you can imagine... without sydney realizing it, i had picked out a different name for myself when this happens - lilac. at that point, when i could refer to one of us as sydney, and one of us as lilac, it really started to set in that, well... "huh, i guess we are kinda different."

unbeknownst to me, there were more differences between sydney and i that some of my friends could spot. not only do i not remember* what sydney does, but i've also been told i talk differently than her, both through text and my tone of voice irl. for all of these reasons, i think it makes most sense to classify us as different people, because that seems most accurate? and it's why about a month after i named myself, we were diagnosed with DID - which makes a lot of sense after all that i just said, huh :p

hell, i went out and got another laptop to use seperate from sydney~
i always use arch but she's still on windows a lot of the time, grr...
mine is the thinkpad, of course :p

*i'm sure you noticed that asterisks earlier, so i'll explain this in a little more detail for those of you who are stil curious (wow :O sticking around so much) i came up with an analogy not too long ago which explains how our memories work pretty elegantly. while it's true that most of the time, i can't exactly remember what sydney does, there are a lot of exceptions. essentially, if our memories are like files, whenever someone fronts (switches in to be the main person "in front" of our brain, controlling our body), we lose the pointers to those files. they still exist, but if you know anything about computers, you should know that recovering "deleted" files can be a bit of a pain sometimes. the same is true whenever we try to remember stuff that the other person does, it's a bit of a pain and requires a lot of energy.

something like remembering stuff that we learned in class isn't too difficult, but when it comes to social things - i can draw a complete blank when trying to remember what the heck sydney gets up to sometimes x_x

two different laptops side by side - one for me, one for sydney

hi! if you don't know me or sydney at all, then nice to meet you c: i'm a 19 year old girl living in toronto, on, 🇨🇦. i go to york university and am studying computer science, as you may have been able to guess... i started taking a class in web development recently, and thought it would be cool if i made my own personal site as i'd seen some of my friends do the same - so that's why this is here!!

i make charts (called maps) for a rhythm game called osu!, which is what the button in the header bar shows (the content that i've made personally). sydney is known a lot better than me for this, but i also do stuff here and there (and stuff with her, as well :O) sydney also makes her own music occasionally, which she goes into more detail about on her page.

since i pretty much exist as a proxy of sydney, there's not a whole lot i can exactly claim to be "mine", other than the few things that i've done so far. however, i hope this was still informative to anyone who happens to stumble across this, or is linked to it by me! thank you c: